Excerpt From A Post-Mortem Interview With Freddy

INTERVIEWER: “So, Freddy, you had 84 years to live down on the Earth. What did you spend your time doing?”

FREDDY: “Oh, it was great! I spent most of my time defending the status quo and encouraging people to feel positive about how things were.”

INTERVIEWER: “I see. Did you do anything to that actually improved the world on your watch?”

FREDDY: “Yep. So many people had negative attitudes, and I was able to help some of them get more positive attitudes.”

INTERVIEWER: “Do you mean that you were able to help them feel positively in spite of the fact that almost nothing was really getting any better?”

FREDDY: “Right.”

INTERVIEWER: “And this made the world a better place?”

FREDDY: “I like to think so.”

INTERVIEWER: “I see. And what did you do to improve yourself?”

FREDDY: “Well, like I was saying, I didn’t used to be somebody that helped others have positive attitudes, but then I changed.”

INTERVIEWER: “And how do you know this was a change for the better?”

FREDDY: “They thanked me! And you could tell it made them happier.”

INTERVIEWER: “How did it make God feel?”

FREDDY: “Huh?”

INTERVIEWER: [silence]

FREDDY: “OK, so how did it make God feel? Uh, I can’t say as I ever really thought about that much. I assume he liked it, because I was making people happy.”

INTERVIEWER: “Let me get this straight. You were making people happy by making them feel good about living a life in which not much was actually getting better, and you think that God would approve of that?”

FREDDY: “Sure. Why not?”

INTERVIEWER: [silence]

FREDDY: “OK, am I missing something here?”

INTERVIEWER: [silence]

FREDDY: “Hello”?

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